I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
