You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
