fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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