Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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