If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
