Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
