im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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