If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
