Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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