I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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