I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
