His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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