im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
