very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
