tell your sister to shave her snatch
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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