a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
