Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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