Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
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i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
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At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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