you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
