Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She even gives head with a lisp.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
