I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
