can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
