shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
