Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I looked at my own cervix.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
