Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
