Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just gargled with NyQuil
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
