it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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