is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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