Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
