Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
