His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
