I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
