Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
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His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
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I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize