Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i think i just lost a toe
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
