Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
