And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
