apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize