Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
