Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
