but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Randomize
