you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
