Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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