At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
