just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
