I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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