i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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