I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
