I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
