i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
