Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
