my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
