First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
