I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
