I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
