summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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