R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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