When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
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Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
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I have feelings that need drinking.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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