I look better un-naked...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
