Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
