Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
