Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize