I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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