I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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