It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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