just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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