so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
