MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
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why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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