you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
